We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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