He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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