His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
