We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
