FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
