Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
