Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
