1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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