FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
