My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
