It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
