my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
