Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
