Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
