i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
