He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
