drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
