So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
