i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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