I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize