Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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