you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
