If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
