Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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