he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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