I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
