he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
