ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
