Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this will be a night to untag.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
