very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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