my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
