please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize