what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
