My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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