She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
