Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
