youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
