I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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