Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
