I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
