i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
