Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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