I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my phone needs a breathalizer
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
