mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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