So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize