You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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