wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
