Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize