Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
