Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
