I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
