You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
