If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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