When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
