I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
