i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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