mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
