i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
