i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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