im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
