every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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