she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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