yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize