Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
