Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
