You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
