So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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