I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
